Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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