Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
