chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
