Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
