she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
