Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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