She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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