used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
