Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
