Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
