my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
