We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
i now understand why vodka
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize