i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
