you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so let's talk penis.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
