Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
