I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
