I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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