He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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