Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
