We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
