do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
