White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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