Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
