hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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