margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Pappa wants mamma naked
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Operation Purity has been aborted
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
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