Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
