we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Randomize
