you traded sex for a burrito?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize