I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
