omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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