so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
