I'm going to rape someone's good day.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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