so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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