something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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