woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
