he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
