whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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