I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
