Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
