he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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