Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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