Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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