Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
