Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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