And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
