JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
