Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
