That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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