so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
