I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
