So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
