Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
