I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
