Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
