maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Semen is not good for contacts.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize