so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
