Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
