Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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