They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
She's not a foreskin expert like you
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
