I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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