It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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