so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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