Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
