those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
